


Follow the Stars

by easycomeeasygo



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Trek Fusion, Background Dong Si Cheng/Nakamoto Yuta, M/M, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:40:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23095747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/easycomeeasygo/pseuds/easycomeeasygo
Summary: When their professor dismisses them, Kun puts his head in his arms, face down onto the table and whines loudly at Sicheng to get his attention.Sicheng turns to him, “That bad?”Kun looks at him dejectedly. “That bad. I can't with Vulcan. I need help or something.”At that, someone clears their throat. Kun looks over and sees it’s Wong Yukhei, standing in front of them sheepishly.He smiles shyly. “Hey, uh. I could help you? If you wanted?”
Relationships: Qian Kun/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas
Comments: 19
Kudos: 65





	1. Ex astris, scientia

**Author's Note:**

> I have been working on this for SO long, it's been a 20k monster in my drafts since July. I am so glad to finally get the first part out.
> 
> unbeta'd.
> 
> I've made a lot of changes to the little tidbits of information we have about Starfleet Academy and the universe in general to suit my needs and to mesh better in terms of technology (example: I have PADDs functioning as a laptop/tablet hybrid and referred to as that but they still have phone that function in the same way only more portable like it does IRL) also this will be more important in later chapters but the way I have Starfleet structured is that it's more normalized for someone to become captain of a ship after serving a 5-year mission, it's still symbolic of their exceptional talent/leadership but it's not unheard of the way it is in the Star Trek universe.
> 
> I've also messed around a bit with their ages, 99 and 00 lines are the same age and are 1 year younger than 97 line.

Qian Kun knows and loves two things—the stars and flying. Joining Starfleet was the easiest decision he’s ever made. He loves every aspect of the academy, he loves his classes, and he’s met people he genuinely considers his friends. He has a lot of strengths, he’s great at math and he excels in all of his command and control related courses. Destiny is a stupid concept but he thinks he's made for this, for the stars. He also has his weakness though, namely xenolinguistics. He sucks at non-Terran languages, and that’s putting it lightly.

-

Kun is absolutely losing it. He runs his hand through his hair in a fit of anxiety, angrily sighing at his own ineptitude. He’s surprised he hasn’t torn his hair out yet. No matter how hard he studies, he still can’t get a handle on Vulcan. He’s not the best at xenolinguistics, but he hasn’t struggled with a language this badly before. It’s frustrating.

His screen flashes after he hits submit on his quiz. 46. He’s never seen a number that low on anything he’s ever done in school. He closes his eyes and when he opens them again it’s still there, tormenting him. When their professor dismisses them, Kun puts his head in his arms, face down onto the table and whines loudly at Sicheng to get his attention. 

Sicheng turns to him. “That bad?”

Kun looks at him dejectedly. “That bad. I can't with Vulcan. I need help or something.”

At that, someone clears their throat. Kun looks over and sees it’s Wong Yukhei, standing in front of them sheepishly. 

He smiles shyly. “Hey, uh. I could help you? If you wanted?”

Kun’s eyebrows raise in surprise. He’s heard… not the best things about Yukhei’s intelligence. He’s been in a few of his and Sicheng’s classes over the last year and since the start of the semester, he used to always offer to help anyone who voiced any problems in Vulcan. Kun is positive every single person offered help scoffed and said no to the point where Yukhei has just stopped offering. Kun is also positive Yukhei wouldn’t offer without actually being able to help. He can’t help but give him the benefit of the doubt. 

“Please,” Kun replies, surprising himself at just how easily he accepts the offer. “That would be great, Xuxi.”

Yukhei looks surprised but recovers smoothly with a blinding smile. Kun can’t help but begin to blush. 

Yukhei hands him his phone, “Add your info and I’ll talk to you later? We can work something out.”

Kun obliges. “Seriously, thank you so much.”

Yukhei smiles widely back. “I’ll talk to you later, Kun.”

Kun finishes packing in his bag and when he moves to get up, he sees that Sicheng is staring blankly at him. 

“Kun, you know Xuxi’s not like… the smartest right?” Sicheng says, a concerned look beginning to appear on his face, “Didn’t he get dragged into whatever feud Renjun was having with Mark Lee’s boyfriend last semester? And Renjun constantly talks about the dumb shit he does.”

“Donghyuck? Yeah, I’m pretty sure that was him. Just because he does dumb shit doesn’t mean he’s actually dumb,” Kun says. He’s not sure who he’s trying to convince to convince more, Sicheng or himself. “He wouldn’t have offered if he didn’t think he could help me.”

Sicheng shrugs, finally moving to get up. “It’s your grade.”

-

  
Yukhei walks out of the classroom shocked at his own actions. He has no idea what convinced him to offer Kun help. Well if he’s honest, he does. The image of Kun cutely pouting about his grade made his heart skip a beat. What else is he supposed to do when a cute boy does that? 

He was sure that Kun was going to say no, like everyone else that he’s offered to help. He’s surprised he said yes, even his friend Sicheng looked surprised. 

And maybe, maybe he’s been looking for an excuse to talk to Kun.

He’s meeting Jaemin and Jeno for lunch at a Korean place not too far from campus. He goes to take a bite of his food when he blurts out, “I offered to help Qian Kun with Vulcan.”

Jaemin and Jeno both stare at him and put their chopsticks back down in sync.

“I thought you stopped offering to help anyone in your classes?” Jeno questions.

“Yeah, and doesn’t everyone think you’re dumb as shit?” Jaemin adds.

“I did. And yeah, they do. Kun said yes though, like right away?”

“Hm,” Jaemin says pensively. “Did you look at him with your face?”

“What does that even mean?” Yukhei pouts.

“Ignore Nana,” Jeno replies. “It’s not your fault that you look like that. Kun is really great, I'm sure he’ll appreciate you helping him, Xuxi.”

“He seems really nice,” Yukhei replies.

Jaemin looks at him as if a light bulb went off in his and Jeno’s brain. “Xuxi, why did you offer to help him?”

“He needed it.” Yukhei can’t help the word vomit that leaves his mouth. “And he’s ridiculously cute. He deadass pouted when he failed the quiz. It was adorable. He’s also kind of small and I just want to hug him. I’m gonna die, he’s _so_ cute. ”

Jeno and Jaemin both smile widely at him. 

“Flustered Xuxi is so cute,” Jaemin coos.

“I love this respect to Qian Kun, a man who absolutely should fluster fools like Xuxi,” Jeno replies, eyes crinkling in amusement.

“The one time you want the wonder demons around to hype up Kun,” Jaemin adds.

“I hate you both,” Yukhei says. “I’m gonna woo that man.”

“Sure you are,” Jaemin snorts. Jeno also gives him a look that seems to say _yeah okay you are._ His friends are traitors.

“I will,” Yukhei insists. “I’m going to make sure he somehow passes this class because he _is_ really bad at Vulcan and then I’ll properly woo him and boom! Dating.”

Jaemin begins to cackle while Jeno also laughs but smiles at him kindly. “Whatever you say, Xuxi.”

-

Kun is back in his dorm in the middle of an essay on Romulan-Vulcan diplomacy when his phone lights up.

**yukhei**

heyyyyy this is yukhei!

Do you still want help with Vulcan?????

**kun**

yes please

**yukhei**

next thursday at the library???? that way we could look at what we did in class tuesday and thursday????

**kun**

that sounds great, thank you!

**Yukhei**

Great, see you in class :-)

-

Thursday rolls around again and Kun finds himself nervous. He and Yukhei have some friends in common but he’s never actually spent any time with him, especially one on one. They agree to meet at 4 after Yukhei finishes his last class of the day, in a secluded part of the library on the 3rd floor.

Kun is early so he takes out his laptop and opens it up to his notes from class this week and double-checks that his background isn’t something embarrassing. He sighs and nervously sips on the Americano he got himself.

He sees Yukhei coming up the stairs before Yukhei sees him. He looks really _really_ good and Kun’s heart races. This could be a problem.

When Yukhei sees him, he smiles widely and walks over.

“Hey Kun-ge,” he says, pulling a chair around to sit next to Kun.

“Hey,” he replies, suddenly feeling shy. “I got you a latte, I wasn’t sure what you like.” 

He hands Yukhei the drink and he excitedly grabs it from him, his hands brushing against Kun’s.

“This is perfect,” he says gratefully. “Can I see your quiz from last week?”

Kun nods and opens it up, turning his laptop towards Yukhei. He’s already spent ages staring at it, trying to figure out why he’s making the mistakes he keeps making.

Yukhei hasn’t said anything and when he looks over, he sees a pensive look on his face.

“You have like, half of the basic concept down but it seems like when you get confused on some of the conjugation you get frustrated and start to mess up everything else too. Also, you get a lot of vocab mixed up too? Like it seems like you know it but use it all wrong?”

Kun sighs, “I get everything memorized but the second I have to piece it all together I start to mess up.”

“I can help you!” Yukhei says enthusiastically. 

He essentially reteaches Kun everything, walking him through each translation and each error he’s been making in all of his work. By the time they finish up Kun feels like he might actually understand some of the material. 

  
  


It’s clear to Kun once they really start and get into it that Yukhei is basically a fucking genius. He feels like an idiot for judging him the way he did because of what everyone was saying. He’s patient with Kun and the idiotic questions he asks trying to wrap his mind around Vulcan and by the time they finish up, Kun thinks he might stand a chance to pass. He can probably pull his grade too if he can get Yukhei to keep helping him for the rest of the semester. 

Their dorms are next to each other so they walk back together.

“What’s your major anyway,” Kun asks, curiously.

“Xenolinguistics,” Yukhei replies back with a smile.

Kun can’t help the way he reacts, the way his face widens in surprise.

“I didn’t know that,” Kun replies.

“You wouldn’t have guessed, right? That’s what most people say.” Yukhei says, smiling bashfully. 

“No, I think it makes perfect sense. It fits you,” Kun replies. It’s crazy how he just brushes off being dismissed by most people. Kun could never. 

“I’m fluent in English, Cantonese, Mandarin, Korean, Klingon, and Romulan so far. I’m… good at languages, mostly. Sometimes I mix things up when my mouth is going faster than my brain but for the most part, it goes pretty smoothly. I figured xenolinguistics would be fun, and it is.” Yukhei explains, “What about you?” 

“Command and Control. With a minor in astrophysics.”

"Huh," Yukhei says, surprised. "I really didn't expect the Astrophysics."

"I like math and space. I mean obviously, but yeah,” he replies, surprising himself at how flustered he sounds.

"Captain Qian has a nice ring to it," Yukhei says with his deep voice, teasing.

It makes Kun's heart race. He's not sure if it sounds good because that's his dream or if it's because it's Yukhei saying it.

They end up in front of Kun's dorm first.

"This was fun, even if you suck at Vulcan, like a lot," Yukhei says with a friendly smile on his stupidly handsome face. "Do you wanna do this again next week? Maybe Tuesday or Wednesday since we have a quiz Thursday? it seems like you're getting the basics down but we can go over stuff and make sure you're ready for it."

"Really?" Kun asks, surprised.

"You're not so bad to spend time with," Yukhei replies smiling widely.

Kun nods, shyly. "Yeah. Tuesday works for me."

-

Yukhei does help him pass. 

They have another quiz and Kun passes it with the highest grade he’s managed to get in Vulcan. It’s a relief. The second class ends, he gets Yukhei’s attention and shows him his grade.

"Good job, Kun-ge!" Yukhei replies smiling.

"I couldn't have done it without you," Kun replies honestly.

It's then that he remembers that Sicheng is still there. He grabs the laptop and his eyes widen in surprise. 

"Kun-ge,” he says, “You passed? Like really passed?"

Kun scoffs. "Obviously I passed, Xuxi helped me."

Sicheng looks up at Yukhei, who’s been watching the whole interaction amused, assessingly. "Hm. I'm Sicheng. You know Renjun, right?"

Yukhei nods, "Yeah. He mentions you a lot."

Sicheng smiles fondly. "He's a nightmare and whatever he's saying, I promise he's absolutely lying."

Yukhei laughs. "I believe you, He is a nightmare. Renjun somehow dragged me into his weird feud with Lee Donghyuck last semester that ended up with Hyuck taking it out on me. Injun just shrugged and offered me up as fodder. He's terrifying."

“You know Yangyang, Guanheng, and Dejun too then right?” Kun asks. “They started hanging out a lot more with Renjun and it’s horrifying.”

“Yangyang and Renjun together are the scariest duo I have ever seen, they're both terrifying in completely opposite ways and together it's ridiculous,” Yukhei says.

Sicheng laughs, adding, “Yeah, those two are really little demons, I can’t believe Kun raised them.”

“Shut up,” Kun says matter of factly, “It’s not my fault that they’re the way they are.”

Yukhei beams, “Anyway, I gotta go but I'll message you about when we can study again?"

Kun eagerly nods. "Yeah, that sounds great. I’ll see you later Xuxi."

The second Yukhei is out of earshot, Sicheng grabs Kun's arm. "You like that boy," he says accusingly.

"No I don't,” Kun says. It only completely feels like a lie. “He just helped me out and he's actually really great."

"Don't lie to me Kun-ge," Sicheng teases. “Your heart eyes for him are wild.”

Kun slaps Sicheng's hand off of him and begins to walk out of the room, leaving Sicheng standing there grinning.

"At least tell me after you have your wild epiphany that you have big gross feelings for him."

Kun ignores him and the way his ears are getting red and walks out of the room.

-

Yukhei begins to text Kun a lot after that and he finally finds himself more comfortable talking to him. It starts with small things, Yukhei telling Kun about something that happened at a coffee shop off campus, Kun sharing an incident between Sicheng and Yuta. It's almost as if they're becoming actual friends, not just two people who study together. Kun likes it. He's always stuck to himself, and after he met Sicheng, to him. He's friends with Sicheng's friends, but this is probably one of the few times he's begun to befriend someone on his own accord.

The worst is when Yukhei begins sending him selfies. He sends one from the library. Yukhei is in a sweatshirt with the hood up and he's pouting. It makes his heart absolutely race. Maybe Sicheng was right. What a horrifying thought. He isn't sure what to do so he turns to his group chat.

**kun**

I have a question

what do you do when someone sends you a selfie

**sicheng**

who kun

WHO!!

**taeyong**

is a cute selfie?

**jaehyun**

👀

Hyung who are you texting 👀

**yuta**

send one back!!!

make sure it’s cute kunnie :3

He stares at Jaehyun and Yuta’s words and sighs, switching to his camera and attempting to take one.

_Kun has sent a photo._

**Kun**

Is this okay?

**taeyong**

YES GOOD BOY!!! 

**sicheng**

IS THIS FOR **** ******!!!!

stop ignoring me

**yuta**

very cute uwu

**jaehyun**

send it hyung!!

He doesn't know why he's so nervous but he takes another few minutes and finally sends it in reply. Yukhei replies immediately.

**Yukhei**

cute :))))

Kun tosses his phone onto the other end of his bed in a fit of embarrassment. His face is probably bright red. He can’t believe how a text has him this flustered. It’s mortifying how fast his heart is beating. He _likes_ him. 

-

Kun likes his routines. He likes waking up on Saturday morning, not feeling overwhelmed about being able to just enjoy the day. Usually, he ends up being dragged by Sicheng all over San Francisco or Yangyang wanting to bother him, or their other friends all doing something. As much as Kun is an introvert, he likes being coaxed out by them. What throws him for a loop is that this weekend, Yangyang visiting his family in Taipei and Sicheng has finally given into Yuta's requests for a date. He's alone, and well, it's kind of weird.

He's trying to figure out what classic anime he wants to spend the day binging when he gets a message from Yukhei, asking him to hang out. When Kun really thinks about it, it's the first time that they'll hang out properly, not counting any of the times that they've just studied together.

They decide to meet up in front of Kun's dorm. Kun immediately begins to panic, not sure what to wear. He’s positive he’s overthinking it. After all, they’re just hanging out but he can’t help it.

He's relieved when Yukhei shows up, that he put a bit of effort in. He looks good, he always does but there’s something special about him in casual clothing that he wants to see more and more. 

"Hey Kun-ge," Yukhei says. 

"I need coffee, is that cool? There's this place I go to sometimes in the Castro district? It's a hole in the wall so it's usually not too crowded."

"Lead the way."

They hop onto the subway and spend the ride talking about their other classes, their friends, anything. It's hard for Kun to focus because all he can think about is how expressive Yukhei is when he talks, how excited he is about everything. It's infectious. It makes Kun want to do more, be more.

Kun is relieved there's a table open when they walk into the coffee shop.

"Hey Noona, how's your week been," he says in Korean.

"Kun, did you bring a boy? Is this a date?" Krystal teases.

Kun’s eyes immediately widen, “ _Noona_.”

Yukhei just grins and introduces himself. "I'm Xuxi, a friend of Kun's from school, it's nice to meet you."

"And he speaks Korean? Not bad, Qian," Krystal replies, turning to Yukhei. "Now, how can I help you?"

"An iced mocha, please."

Krystal nods, "Your usual, right Kun? It'll be out in a bit, take a seat."

When they sit, Yukhei grins at Kun. "You come here sometimes _,_ huh?"

Kun pouts, "They have great coffee. And it's nice to practice my Korean with someone who isn't Taeyong or Jaehyun."

"Fair."

They sit for a bit. Yukhei tells Kun about his family, about Hong Kong and how his parents reacted to his decision to join Starfleet.

“They were surprisingly supportive,” he says. “I think it’s really because I was finally motivated to do something other than just like… play sports and dick around with my friends.”

“I think it was obvious to my parents I was going to try to join Starfleet. I was always obsessed with space, so when I finally told them that that’s what I wanted to do they weren’t surprised.”

When they walk out of the coffee and Yukhei begins to drag him into different clothing stores, Kun is struck with the realization that this feels like a date. 

Kun has his two loves but he wonders if there’s space for one more.

-

Kun gets into a fight with Sicheng. It hardly ever happens and it rarely escalates passed a disagreement but this time it's _bad_.

He keeps hearing the last thing Sicheng said to him in his head, over and over again.

"You're a fucking pain, Kun. Give me a few minutes so I can grab some shit and then I'll stay with Yuta for a bit. God knows no one would bother letting you stay with them."

It makes him ache in all the wrong ways. It’s something that he’s always worried about and having Sicheng just throw it back at him so casually hurts. 

Sicheng quietly shoves a few things in his backpack and storms out of the room, not even sparing Kun a last glance.

-

Jeno looks up from his phone, “Hey Xuxi?”

“What?”

“Nana said that Yangyang told him that Kun and Sicheng got into a fight.”

“Oh… kay?” Yukhei replies, confused.

Jeno rolls his eyes, “Are you trying to date Kun or not? Check on him, idiot.”

“Wouldn’t that be weird?” he asks. Jeno has a point though.

“No. I’m gonna go to Nana’s,” he looks back at Yukhei, emphasizing, “ _for the night._ ”

“Okay?”

He sighs, grabbing his stuff and putting it in his backpack and getting up, “Meet up with him or something. He’s probably upset. I’ll see you in class tomorrow.”

Jeno might have a point. From everything he knows about Kun, he tends to keep to himself until others find him, other than Sicheng. He’s almost always with him.

Instead, he carries on with his day. Once he finishes up a translation and submits it, he goes to the gym. The whole time he’s there, he thinks about Kun. Jeno definitely had a point, he hates knowing that he’s probably in his dorm alone and upset.

When he gets out of the shower and changes into sweats, he makes up his mind. He just hopes that Kun is still awake.

-

Yukhei messages him that night. It's late, already past midnight, but Kun hasn’t been able to even consider sleeping. His brain has been going over every little detail of his fight with Sicheng, obsessively for the last few hours. 

**Yukhei**

hey gege

are you awake?

**Kun**

yeah

??

**Yukhei**

get dressed i wanna take you somewhere :)

i'll meet you outside in 15

Kun sighs. 

Normally he wouldn’t even consider doing something like this. It’s late, he has class tomorrow. But the idea of spending time with Yukhei instead of moping around his room alone seems infinitely better. He pulls on a hoodie, grabs his phone, and heads out. He’s sitting outside of his dorm when Yukhei approaches him with a small smile.

They head out to a park not too far from their dorms in silence. The combination of night and the gentle warm presence of Yukhei making Kun feel okay with the quiet.

"I heard about your fight with Sicheng," Yukhei says gently. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Kun sighs. "I'm bad at talking. Apparently that's the problem."

"Maybe you just need to be asked the right questions."

Kun has never thought of it that way. But it makes sense. It always seems like whenever he shares something it’s coaxed out of him. He’s not sure why it’s so hard for him to just say what he’s thinking, what he’s feeling.

“He got mad at me because he thinks I don’t share anything, that he barely knows anything about me. It sucked to hear. He… Sicheng knows me best and it sucked to hear him say that.”

Kun could say more but he stops himself. 

Yukhei changes the subject to Kun’s relief. He launches into talking about his classes, his roommate Jeno and his boyfriend Jaemin, his other friends that Kun vaguely knows. It all brings Kun back down from the anxiety that building inside of him. They’re laying down, close enough that their arms are touching when he finds the confidence to speak.

“Space makes sense to me,” Kun says. “Yeah, it’s scarily vast and there’s so much we don’t know but that’s reasonable. People don’t. I don’t… I’m bad at people. I don’t know how to navigate that. I don’t get why I can’t just talk about things, or why I keep to myself or why I can’t even talk about my own boundaries with my best friend. He’s right, but I can’t help but feel like he’s being a hypocrite? Because I don’t think he necessarily shares with me either, so I don’t get why he got so mad at me.”

“People are hard, communication is hard. Sometimes you’re just unnecessarily hard on those you love most,” Yukhei says.

They’re almost back to the dorm when Yukhei says softly, "I'm gonna be your communications officer one day."

Kun can't help his sharp intake of air. It feels like more than that. It feels like a promise of so much more. 

“Yeah,” he replies, “You will.”

Yukhei doesn't say anything else but his presence feels so grounding. Kun takes a chance and reaches for Yukhei's hand and is relieved when Yukhei laces their fingers together.

When they get back to campus, Kun thinks about asking Yukhei to spend the night. He doesn't want to be alone, not after everything.

"Do you want to spend the night?" Yukhei asks tentatively. "I know you had a shitty day."

Kun nods. It feels irresponsible of him to say yes but he can just swing by his place in the morning to grab his stuff for class.

Yukhei smiles at him. "Come on, Jeno is at Nana's for the night."

Yukhei and Jeno's room looks just like his and Sicheng's, only messier, especially on Jeno’s side.

When Yukhei sees Kun looking at Jeno’s half he explains, “Jeno spends an awkward amount of time here. He usually ends up at Nana’s dorm a lot so he kinda just throws shit down and leaves.”

“Oh,” Kun says, “They’re friends with Yangyang, Kunhang, and Dejun right? Yangyang mentions them a lot.”

“Nothing good I imagine,” Yukhei laughs. 

Yukhei goes through his dresser, grabbing a pair of sweatpants and a shirt for Kun, “They might be a bit big on you, sorry.”

“That’s fine,” Kun replies. He takes them from him and heads to the bathroom. After changing, he sees himself in the mirror, slightly drowning in Yukhei’s clothes, and blushes wildly. He looks like he’s wearing his boyfriend’s clothes and it makes his heart pang. 

He walks out of the bathroom and when Yuhkei sees him, he quietly says a small _Cute_ that Kun just barely manages to hear. He can feel the blush crawl back onto his face. He crawls into bed next to Yukhei, barely any room between them.

“Goodnight, Kun-ge,” Yukhei says, his deep voice dripping with sleep.

“Goodnight,” he replies quietly. 

To his surprise, Yukhei pulls him into his chest and Kun sleeps.

The morning, to Kun’s relief, isn’t awkward at all. They both wake up early and Kun is disappointed to have to pull away from Yukhei’s warm hold.

“Too early,” Yukhei says.

“I know but I have to go back to my dorm before class. I’ll see you later?” Kun asks hopefully.

“Of course,” Yukhei replies.

-

When Kun gets back to his dorm, Sicheng isn’t there and the room looks just like how he left it. He’s not really sure what he expected, if he thought that Sicheng would just _be_ there willing to discuss what happened. Instead, he’s alone and carries on with what he intended to do, getting ready for classes and leaving silently.

Kun barely sees Sicheng. He manages to sit away from him in all their classes, and he never sees him in their dorm room. It's getting to him. He doesn't know how to navigate the whole situation. he goes over their fight again in his head before grabbing his phone, opening up their messages. He stares, trying to figure out just what to say. He's not sure how to start, how to approach Sicheng knowing how mad he was.

It takes him a while before he can finally find the courage to hit send.

**Kun**

let me know when you want to talk

  
  


He’s not sure if he’s relieved or upset when Sicheng doesn’t answer for the rest of the night.

-

Yukhei is over when Sicheng finally shows up. Their study sessions have migrated from the library to one of their dorms, mostly Kun’s since Sicheng hasn’t been around at night anyway. It makes it easier for them to go from studying to just hanging out, talking. It helps keep his mind off the Sicheng situation.

Yukhei is laying on Kun’s bed complaining about how tired he is and Kun next to him sitting with his legs crossed, laughing at how whiny he’s being. It’s then that the door opens and Sicheng is standing there, unable to hide his surprise at the sight of them. 

“Sicheng,” Kun says. 

“I didn’t know you had company,” Sicheng replies awkwardly.

Kun isn’t sure how to reply to that. It’s an awkward silence that thankfully Yukhei interrupts. 

He gets up and grabs his bag from the foot of Kun’s bed. He puts his hand gently on Kun’s shoulder. 

“I’ll talk to you later, Kun-ge,” he says softly. 

Kun just nods and he turns to leave. 

“Sicheng-ge,” Yukhei says, surprising Kun at how cold he sounds. 

Sicheng’s eyes narrow in response. “Xuxi.”

Yukhei moves to leave but hesitates when he reaches the door. He turns back to Kun. 

“Bye Kun.” He says with a soft smile before finally leaving. It comes off as encouraging. Supportive. 

Now that it’s just the two of them, the tension is back in the room. It’s uncomfortable. Kun hates that it feels like this between them.

“Hey Sicheng,” he says quietly.

“Kun-ge,” he replies. He rocks back and forth on his feet, visibly anxious before taking a seat next to Kun. 

“I’m sorry,” Sicheng says, looking down at his hands on his lap. He sounds earnest. “I was shitty to you. I said things that I knew would hurt you. I shouldn’t have tried to force you to tell me things when it was obvious that you weren’t ready to.”

Kun sighs. “I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to talk about things.” Kun hesitates before adding. “Yukhei said that I need to be asked the right questions. But I think you were right, I also need to do a better job of being open with people. Especially you. You’re my best friend, Sicheng.”

Sicheng turns to him and to Kun’s surprise, hugs him. “I’m sorry Kunkun.”

Kun hugs back. “I missed you,” he admits.

When Sicheng pulls away he has a mischievous look on his face. “You’re hanging out with Xuxi a lot, huh?”

Kun just nods. 

“He was laying on your bed.”

“He was tired,” Kun shoots back. He then sighs. “He’s nice. We’ve been hanging out a lot. But it’s nothing like what you’re thinking, Sicheng.”

“Are you sure, because I’m pretty sure he wanted to rip me limb from limb just now.”

We’re just _friends_ ,” Kun emphasizes.

Sicheng laughs, “Yeah maybe for now.”

Later that night, the two of them are curled up in Kun's bed, watching animal videos together on Kun's PADD instead of studying.

"Can I ask you about Yuta?" Kun asks hesitantly.

He turns his head slightly and sees Sicheng with a small smile on his face, looking fonder than Kun has ever seen him look before.

"I kept brushing him off because he's leaving in like a month, you know? Like what if it goes well and then he has to leave? That would suck."

Kun understands his thinking, he would be lying if he said that thought hasn't crossed his mind yet, thinking about how Yukhei is two years younger than him too.

"What changed your mind?"

Sicheng sighs, "It's just stupid to worry about something that doesn't matter yet."

Kun just hums in acknowledgment and they go back to watching videos of animals. He catches Sicheng smiling at his phone when he gets a message from Yuta and he can tell already that it's going to matter.

Things go back to normal after that. Only to Kun’s dismay, things with Yukhei slow down. It seems like if Yukhei was interested in him, he no longer is. And that, that sucks. Everything just carries on, their study sessions, hanging out in Kun's dorm room, going out with their friends. Kun is a little disappointed but he would rather have him in his life.

The worst is that Yukhei still sends him selfies of whatever he’s doing. One night he sends one of him laying in his bed, hair messy with a pout on his lips. It’s infuriating how badly Kun wants him and how he has to shove that away.

it seems like whatever they were on the verge of is now a missed opportunity. 

-

Yukhei isn’t sure why he pulls away from Kun after he and Sicheng make up. It feels like he got too close to the sun — like he isn’t quite good enough to be with Kun, even if he was interested. A traitorous voice in his head reminds him, _he held your hand_. Yukhei just dismisses it as Kun needing and seeking out comfort from someone he trusts as much as he wants it to be something more.

He still tutors Kun, he's pretty sure he's actually going to pass Vulcan. They hang out all the time, just the two of them and with their own sets of friends as well. He brings Kun to dinner or drinks with Jeno, Jaemin, Yangyang, Dejun, and Kunhang. Kun does the same but with Sicheng, Yuta, Taeyong, and Jaehyun. They've easily integrated each other into their lives yet Yukhei can't seem to get himself back to the point where he was ready to talk to Kun about their relationship and how it could be more.

Jeno ends up asking Yukhei about him on their way to class.

“Hey Xuxi, why aren’t you dating Kun yet?”

“It’s… complicated,” Yukhei says.

“Obviously. I thought you were wooing him?” he asks. “You’ve been spending a ton of time with him and you bring him to things we all do a lot so I figured it was actually working.”

Yukhei just shrugs. 

Jeno seems like he wants to say more but he stops himself. They go back to doing their homework but Yuhkei can’t help but think about what he asked him.

It isn’t complicated. He’s just scared.

-

It’s the very end of the academic year and Sicheng comes back to their dorm, looking overwhelmed and upset.

“Sicheng?” Kun says.

“I’m in love with Yuta?” Sicheng says, voice climbing higher and higher in a state of shock.

Kun isn’t sure how to respond to that. Before he gets a chance to even figure out what to say Sicheng speaks again.

“He’s annoying. He’s so fucking annoying and he’s leaving in a few days and he wants to do long distance because he loves me and can’t imagine his life without me. It was the sappiest thing I’ve ever heard. And I said yes because I love him too and I’d rather do long distance for two years until we can be together than not be with him. I love him so fucking much I don’t know what to do with it all.”

Kun gets up slowly and walks towards him. He grabs Sicheng’s hand and pulls him to his bed, sitting him down. He looks back up at Kun and the devastation in his eyes kills him.

“Kun. He’s _leaving._ ”

He sits next to Sicheng and puts his arm around him. “It’s two years, Sicheng. If anyone can do the long-distance thing it’s you two.”

“You think?” He asks quietly.

“Definitely,” Kun replies.


	2. sic itur ad astra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kun's last semester isn’t as bad as the previous one- it’s mostly focused on command classes and practical tests and simulations (Kun has the best legitimate score on the Kobayashi Maru of his year and he’s fucking proud of it) and at this point, everyone’s class rankings are basically set in stone. It’s still so much studying- so much Doyoung and Ten and so much of them rotating who’s the one to freak the fuck out each week from stress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nervous laughter i didn't think it would take this long askdlfjsdjafk it might be bad???? idk the whole global pandemic thing has really made writing this one especially hard!!

Kun’s last year of Starfleet Academy feels like a never-ending sprint. It’s a blur of studying and stressing about what would happen at the end of the year. It’s brutal. He develops a new routine out of sheer necessity, because of the various senior year exams and seminars he has now, on top of regular classes. He begins to spend a lot of time with two other seniors: Doyoung and Ten.

Ten is… Kun has no idea what Ten is. All he knows is that they’re from a different planet, they won’t tell them their age, and that they’ve been practicing medicine “for a bit” which definitely means they’ve been doing it for a long time. They’ve also mentioned being published for some of their work in xenobiology. Kun probably has more questions than answers when it comes to Ten. Ten also feels like a big _what if_. They way they bicker with him feels easy. He's probably a tiny bit in love with him, the way he always feels when he finds someone who really challenges and holds their own to him. He's not blind either, he sees the way they look at him sometimes. In another universe he could fall properly in love with Ten, he just doesn't think this is one of them.

Doyoung is in engineering; he’s also Terran but grew up on a base before coming back to Earth to attend Starfleet. He’s one of Taeyong and Jaehyun’s best friends. Jaehyun had mentioned that he had been studying alone and was looking for someone to study with. _“He’s a little… he can be a little abrasive?” Jaehyun had said, eyes crinkling. “He means well though.”_

Jaehyun didn’t lie. He and Ten seem to bicker more often than not. Honestly, it’s hysterical and it makes the looming reality of the future more weigh a little less. He and Doyoung get along well though. Doyoung brings out the snarky side of Kun and Doyoung seems to feel immediately comfortable around him. It works for the three of them.

They basically live in the library for the entirety of the semester. They study in a quiet and secluded corner of the library that Kun never knew existed until Doyoung took them there, weaving in and out of hallways and stacks.

“How’d you find this place anyway,” Kun asks one day, ignoring his essay about one of the infinite number of _USS Enterprise_ away missions gone wrong and how the crew handled it well.

“I wanted to nap while studying with Jaehyun and Taeyong one day, so I just took random turns until I ended up here.”

“I didn’t even know this existed,” Ten says. They're not even pretending to study or do work anymore, just sucking down on the large bubble milk tea they have.

“Yeah,” Doyung replies, “Neither did I. But it’s far away enough from where other people are that it’s perfect for sleeping or talking.”

A sly grin appears on Ten’s face, “Just talking right?”

Doyoung rolls his eyes, scoffing dramatically. “Kun, do we really need them here?”

-

Kun still makes time for Yukhei, even if he’s spending the majority of his time studying. He’ll head to his dorm a few nights a week or he’ll get lunch with him, anything to see him really.

“How’s studying going?” Yukhei asks one night when they’re in his dorm, Jeno nowhere to be seen.

“I feel a lot better about it now than I did last month. Studying with Doyoung and Ten has been helping.”

“You shouldn’t worry,” he says, “You’re easily the best in your year. Captains are gonna fall over themselves trying to get you on their ship.”

Kun just smiles, wondering when the space between them has grown. He misses being close to Yukhei. He thinks about it constantly, how their relationship has changed since last year. It felt like they were so close. Part of him, the part that he tries to hide away with all its feelings wonders if it was just a case of it not being the right time for them. He really fucking hopes there’s a right time.

He settles for what he can get from Yukhei and he’s disappointed in himself for it. He wishes he was a little braver.

It seems like his feelings for Yukhei ebb and flow. But they’re always there, an undercurrent of affection he can’t seem to shake. He wonders what it would be like, to suddenly not have Yukhei be what lurks in the back of his mind, what he always comes back to. It sounds awful if he's honest. 

Kun does what he does best-- he compartmentalizes. He keeps it tucked far back and hopes it's something that will resolve itself.

-

They go out after they finish up the last finals of the semester, a large group of them — Kun, Sicheng, Jaehyun, Doyoung, Ten, and Yukhei all packed at a table in one of the city’s more popular bars.

Kun is sitting in between Yukhei and Sicheng and as they get more rounds of drinks, he feels himself lean more in Yukhei’s side, letting Sicheng talk to Jaehyun, Doyoung, and Ten He thinks they’re talking about what they’re doing over winter break but he would rather focus on the warmth of Yukhei’s arm against his.

He can tell he’s drunk when he feels the words on the tip of his tongue, begging to be said. He shoves down the part of him that’s begging him to be quiet and keep his feelings at bay.

“I miss you,” he says quietly, just low enough where only Yukhei can hear. “I miss spending time with you.” He hesitates before adding, “Like we did last year.”

He hopes he understands what he means.

Yukhei drapes an arm on Kun’s shoulder, pulling him in closer. 

He leans in and Kun can feel the warmth of his breath on his ear and neck. “Yeah? I miss that too.”

Kun tries his best to eliminate any possible space between him and Yukhei. He’s unable to pay attention to anything besides the feeling of Yukhei’s fingertips nearly caressing his arm where they rest and how he can feel his chest move whenever he talks or laughs.

They all walk back together, the rest of them loudly talking while Yukhei and Kun hang back. Being close to Yukhei is calming, comforting. It feels stable and real and he can’t imagine just moving on from whatever they could have. He just listens to Yukhei talk about Jeno and Jaemin, watching his hands gesturing as loud as he’s talking, hoping things go back to what their normal was.

“Ten asked about you and Xuxi when we were walking back together,” Sicheng says once they’re back in their dorm. “I told them that you two haven’t been on the same page. And that even when you were, you never landed on the same paragraph.”

Kun gives Sicheng an incredulous look. “What the fuck does that even mean?”

Sicheng giggles. “Dunno. It made sense when I said it. Fuck off, they understood what I was trying to say.”

As Kun lays in bed, he thinks of Sicheng’s stupid words and how maybe they do make a bit of sense. It’s a stupid fucking metaphor, sounding more like something Yuta would say instead of Sicheng, but he gets it.

-

Kun heads to Starfleet Base Scorpius for the first part of his winter break. It’s nice to see his family again. They move around a lot-- his mother is a researcher and her work takes her all over the Federation, his dad happily following wherever she needs to go. He gets to cook with his mom, talk to his dad for hours, finally _sleep_. All of the stress of schools seems to seep out of him. It’s nice to be normal for a little. He doesn’t have to worry about exams or the impending ship applications or anything. He can just be Kun, shedding all of the expectations he knows Starfleet has placed on him.

He heads back to San Francisco two weeks before his last semester starts. It’s a little bit because he wants some time to settle back in and a lot because Sicheng and Yukhei are also coming back early. Sicheng spent a week in Osaka with Yuta, who used a week of his leave to go home and another week in China and Yukhei spent 2 weeks in Hong Kong with his family. any time he can spend with Sicheng and Yukhei isn't time he's going to pass up, particularly before things really begin to ramp up again.

-

His last semester isn’t as bad as the previous one- it’s mostly focused on command classes and practical tests and simulations (Kun has the best _legitimate_ score on the Kobayashi Maru of his year and he’s fucking proud of it) and at this point, everyone’s class rankings are basically set in stone. It’s still so much studying- so much Doyoung and Ten and so much of them rotating who’s the one to freak the fuck out each week from stress.

The day applications open up for ships halfway through the semester, Kun, Doyoung, and Ten all meet in the library to do theirs together. It feels right to do it together. It’s all straightforward, their personal statements done for months and the only new thing to do is where they can select different ships they would prefer to be on, depending on the mission of the ship or how far along they are on it. Doyoung and Ten both end up listing the USS TVXQ as their first choice. Kun chooses the USS EXO. It’s a little bit because Yuta is there, but a lot because of what he’s heard of the captain, Captain Suho. 

The entire year his advisors and professors have all mentioned Captain Suho to him as someone he would learn a lot from, especially because of Kun’s success throughout the command track.

“Well,” Ten says quietly as the three of them all turn off their PADDs, “I guess we’ll find out soon what happens.”

Doyoung nods. “Taeyong-hyung said it took what? Two, three weeks tops, right?”

“Yuta-hyung said that too,” Kun adds.

“Then we wait,” Ten says. “Let’s get food and drinks to celebrate?”

Kun and Doyoung emphatically nod at that.

“You know we’re all gonna get our top choices right,” Doyoung says on their way back to campus, his face flushed red from the bottles of soju Ten had kept coming to their table. “I mean all of this doesn’t even mean anything, really.”

“Of course we are,” Ten says, “How unfortunate that we’ll be stuck together for so long, Doyoungie. At least we’ll Taeyong with us.”

“It’s still nerve-wracking though,” Kun replies, not denying Doyoung’s statement. There’s a lot that goes into it-- they’re the top 3 students of their year, their accomplishments are all standard Starfleet Academy stuff, primed for it. Kun is the only one of the three who is doing Command, so they’re going to make sure that he ends up on a ship with an illustrious, established captain. They’ll want him to be captain probably sooner rather than later, probably after a 5-year mission if he has a good endorsement. It’s a little horrifying. Doyoung is an engineering genius. Ten apparently has had an illustrious medical career thus far. “The whole process, you know,” Kun continues, “It’s meant to weed people out. It _does_. There’s a lot of people who don’t even want to serve on a ship.”

“Couldn’t be me,” Doyoung replies.

He thinks of the monumental nature of space, the vast unknown of it, the idea of being the person at the helm flying through it all.

Kun agrees.

-

“No,” Kun says, circling part of the equation that Yukhei just finished, “You forgot to account for the 5 being negative.”

“Fuck,” Yukhei replies. “I fucking hate math.”

Kun laughs at that. “At least I can pay you back for carrying me through Vulcan last year.”

They’re in the library, camped out in the secluded little spot where he, Doyoung, and Ten usually study. Kun doing his best to tutor Yukhei for his calculus midterm. 

“I might be worse at calc that you were at Vulcan.” His eyes are still wide and his mouth is slightly agape. Kun can’t help but stare. “I didn’t think that was possible.”

“Fuck you,” Kun says. “I wasn’t _that_ bad.”

“Yes you were, if we ever have to do anything with Vulcans you’re not saying a single word. Thank god they all speak Standard anyway.”

“I’m not that bad!” Kun insists.

“Kun-ge,” Yukhei says, his voice a bit deeper. He grabs Kun’s hands, engulfing them with his. “You’re awful at Vulcan.”

“And you can’t do math,” he snaps back, knowing he’s blushing fiercely.

“Well, thankfully I have you to hold my hand through it, right?”

Kun wonders if Yukhei realizes that half of the things he says could be viewed as flirting. If he does, he wonders if it’s on purpose. It messes with his head a bit. On the off chance it is… that’s something he really doesn’t wanna process yet.

-

Doyoung is asleep on top of his books. Kun and Ten have been talking quietly, trying not to wake him but it seems like he’s completely knocked out. He’s exhausted, they all are and it’s nice to take a break from staring at their PADDs and quizzing each other on systems and inter-Federation relations.

“Can I ask you something,” Ten says. “Personal.”

Kun hesitates. “I guess?”

Ten grins wide like a cat. “Xuxi.”

He groans. He should have expected this. “What about him?”

They roll their eyes, “Don’t whine, Kun. It’s really not cute of you.”

“Ten.”

“I’m just curious,” they say lightly, “Why you two are obviously disgusting about each other and not doing anything about it.”

“They’re both cowards,” Doyoung suddenly says, muffled into his arms and still not moving. “Xuxi more than Kun I think which caught me by surprise.”

“What does that mean,” Kun whines.

Doyoung lifts his head, lines from his sweatshirt marking his face but he looks more rested than he did before. “I always assumed you would have been the one to get scared and bitch out but it was Xuxi, right?”

“You can tell us,” Ten adds melodically. “We’re all friends here, Kunkun.”

“I--”

“We have eyes, you know,” they continue, “I really thought Xuxi was gonna whisk you away and ravage you or something. Like he's going to eat you alive. And I have to find out from Sichengie that you guys have a history?”

“Jaehyun and Taeyong-hyung have mentioned that before too,” Doyoung says.

“I literally hate you both so much. I don’t know. Last year was weird.”

They both stare at him as if they’re expecting him to say more. 

“I just,” he stops and pouts, trying to figure out how to phrase it. “It just hasn’t worked out, I guess.”

“See,” Doyoung says, “Cowards.”

There’s no heat behind it. It’s one of the things Kun really likes about Doyoung, how his honesty and bluntness never has an edge to it.

He sighs. “Yeah.”

Doyoung isn’t wrong. There are all types of bravery and Kun thinks he exemplifies some of them-- his desire to go to space, his need to lead. But then he looks at Yukhei and thinks of all the words he can’t say to him and he wonders how he can be so brave yet such a coward with things, with people he holds dear.

-

It feels overly dramatic but when he gets the email about his ship assignment he’s terrified to open it.

He sends messages to Sicheng and Yukhei begging them to come to the dorm as soon as they can, stressing that it's important.

Sicheng shows up first, his brows furrowed in concern. “Kun-ge?”

Kun just points to the screen of his PADD silently, showing the unread email sitting in his inbox.

“Oh shit,” he says. “Yukhei coming?”

Kun nods.

“Yuta was the same way when he got his,” Sicheng says, a little amused reminiscing about it. “He was absolutely terrified. Maybe even worse than you.”

Yukhei shows up in a whirlwind, strolling right into the room since Sicheng left the door propped open for him and closes it behind him.

“Kun got his assignment and he’s scared to open it,” Sicheng informs him.

Kun just nods in agreement. He still can’t seem to find his voice.

Yukhei sits next to Kun, slipping his hand into his.

“It’s fine, Kun,” he says warmly. “Whenever you’re ready.”

He opens the email and skims it, eyes widening as he sees it.

_You have been assigned to the USS EXO_

“That’s where Yuta is,” Sicheng says, jaw dropped.

“Holy shit,” Kun says.

Yukhei squeezes his hand tightly.

He’s relieved that he got placed on his first choice, no matter how expected it was considering the bullshit of Starfleet’s favoritism, and that he got to find out with his two favorite people next to him.

-

After his ship assignment, it seems like everything is going a million miles an hour. Doyoung and Ten both get assigned to the _USS TVXQ_ , where Taeyong is. The three of them take their final exams and practical examinations. Kun is suddenly preparing to go to _space_ for an undetermined amount of time and he’s not sure how to wrap his head around it. 

He begins to talk to Yuta a lot. He quickly shifts in Kun’s mind from Sicheng’s boyfriend to Kun’s friend and apparently his future roommate. Yuta, in typical Yuta fashion, has charmed the higher-ups enough in the minimal amount of time he’s been on the _USS EXO_ enough that he was able to swing getting Kun assigned to him as his roommate once they dock at Starfleet to pick up the new ensigns and do minor repairs to the ship. 

Each thing is slowly sliding into place neatly, the way Kun likes it. He has a bit more time than Doyoung and Ten, who left only three days after graduation. Kun has a full week before the _USS EXO_ gets here.

He tries to distract himself from how nervous he actually is. He packs up his stuff, shipping a majority of it to his parents while only holding onto the clothes he likes and a few mementos that he can’t imagine parting with. He makes the rounds. He sees Yangyang, Kunhang, Dejun, Chenle, and Renjun, taking advantage of Chenle’s off-campus apartment to cook them dinner for the last time. Kun is used to spreading himself thin. He hates that he has to do it, but it's worth it to make sure he spends as much time as possible with everyone before he leaves.

He, Sicheng, Yukhei, Doyoung, Ten, and Jaehyun also cram in things whenever they get a chance.

The night before their graduation ceremony, they grab dinner together with Doyoung and Ten. They get Korean Barbeque at a place in Koreatown. He and Doyoung keep an eye on the meats, grilling them, while Ten and Sicheng bully Yukhei into making sure he's keeping everyone adequately tipsy.

It's weird to think this won't happen again for a while. He shakes it off, knowing that he wants to actually be present. He doesn't want to miss something that's not gone yet. Ten seems fine, joking and laughing with Sicheng, Yukhei, and Jaehyun. He's freaking out a bit though. The only thing even close to keeping him present is the way Yukhei's hands seem to always find him whenever he's not pouring drinks or eating. It ends up on his thigh, grabbing his arm when he gets excited about something, around his shoulder when he wants to pull Kun back into the conversation. It's hard though. He wants to remember all of this.

He can tell that Doyoung is going through the same thing as him, overthinking and trying to commit everything to memory.

"Doie," he says quietly causing him to look up.

"Yeah," he replies under his breath, grabbing a piece of samgyeopsal and putting it on the plate next to the grill. His hands are steady but his voice isn't.

"Stop thinking so much," Kun whispers. He hopes it's as comforting as he wants it to be.

Doyoung laughs suddenly, but the others don't notice, still yelling about whatever they're yelling about. Doyoung looks from Kun to Yukhei next to him pointedly.

"Shut the fuck up Kun," he replies, beginning to smile. 

It’s Doyoung’s own way of saying thank you, knocking him out of whatever he was thinking. He begins to talk to the rest of the group again. He jabs at Jaehyun next to him with his elbow, passing him the plate of samgyeopsal.

"When do you two actually leave," Sicheng asks Ten and Doyoung.

"Doie and I leave Wednesday morning but the _TVXQ_ is here Tuesday morning for inspection or something, as Jaehyun knows," Ten teases, but Jaehyun smiles widely at that.

"Then I leave next Tuesday," Kun adds.

"Wild," Ten says, suddenly serious.

"It's just crazy that it's all happening so quick," they continue. "Like, holy shit?"

Kun and Doyoung nod along emphatically. 

"Then us next year," Sicheng says, looking at Jaehyun.

"Abandoning poor Xuxi," Ten coos.

"I have my own friends," he insists, gesturing widely and bumping Kun's shoulder. "It'll still suck though."

"Yeah," Jaehyun adds.

"Anyway," Kun interjects. He grabs the soju from in front of Yukhei and pours everyone a shot.

"Cheers," he says. He hesitates for a second, wondering if he should anything else but he just smiles, probably a bit forced. He's happy to be able to have one last moment with them all like this.

They drink.

-

It’s his last night on Earth and he spends it with Yukhei.

They walk around campus, idly talking. Yukhei is telling Kun about the classes he’s taking next semester but he’s barely following what he’s saying. Instead, Kun is embarrassingly working on memorizing every inch of Yukhei’s stupidly handsome face. For as much as Kun has tried not to get so wrapped up in his own head over the last week, he can't help but do it now. 

Yukhei finally notices how Kun isn’t really paying attention. “Kun-ge, you know you can’t get rid of me, right?”

“Hm?”

He smiles warmly, grabbing Kun's hand and grounding him. “We’re still gonna talk like usual and I’m gonna make you video call me all the time so I can look at your cute face. It’s gonna be fine. You’ll get Sicheng next year and then you’ll get me the year after. You’re stuck with me, Kun. Promise.”

Kun laughs but it feels hollow. “Maybe I wanna be stuck with you.”

It’s probably the closest he’s come to ever saying how he really feels to Yukhei. He thinks about just telling him now, just so Yukhei knows. He stops himself though, he’d rather wait until they could actually have a chance of being together. He knows that Yuta and Sicheng have been doing the long-distance thing and still have another year of it to go, but he doesn’t want to start anything off with Yukhei like that. It’s hard, he’s listened to Sicheng talk about it enough to know that, and it feels like it would just ruin whatever chance they have of being happy together. So Kun just shoves that idea back down, hoping that maybe they’ll get their chance someday.

“Sorry I'm just a bit anxious," he deflects before Yukhei gets a chance to really think about what Kun just said. "Anyway, what were you saying about next semester?”

-

When Yukhei gets back to his room, Jeno and Jaemin are both there. He doesn't bother saying anything to them, kicking off his shoes and leaving them haphazardly by the door. He moves mechanically, grabs sweats from his dresser, and heads to the bathroom in complete silence.

He’s in the shower for ages, thinking about his conversation with Kun and everything he’s left unsaid.

When he goes back into the room, he feels Jeno and Jaemin’s eyes on him. They seem concerned, probably because this is might be the longest Yukhei has ever been quiet. He feels like a fucking idiot, finally facing the reality of what his cowardice last year really means.

“I think I fucked up,” Yukhei says, staring up at the ceiling. “I definitely fucked up.”

“What’d you do?” Jeno asks.

“I fucked up with Kun. I should have told him. I shouldn’t have pushed him away in the first place. After he spent the night the first time. Or any time since then. I’m an idiot,” he replies frustratedly.

“He leaves in the morning, right?” Jaemin says quietly.

Yukhei sighs. He tries his best to not get upset about things but everything with Kun has him reeling.“He kept looking at me like I was gonna disappear forever," he says. He tries to ignore the hurt he hears in his voice and continues, "Like he would never see again or something. I said I would keep in touch and I told him he couldn’t get rid of me. That he’s stuck with me. And he said _maybe I wanna be stuck with you._ I fucked up so badly.”

“Xuxi, Kun-hyung has always—” Jaemin starts but Jeno immediately cuts him off.

“Don’t, Nana,” Jeno says pointedly before turning to Yukhei. “You both meant it, right? That you want to keep in touch?”

“Yeah,” Yukhei replies. He knows he did. The more he thinks of how Kun’s eyes were glistening, he thinks he did too.

“Well, maybe you fucked up now but that doesn't mean that it’s fucked up forever,” Jeno says. “Kun-hyung doesn’t seem like the type to give up on things that matter to him.”

Yukhei hopes he’s right.

  
  


-

When Kun gets back to the dorm, he glances at the half of his room that’s completely packed. He gets ready for bed and gets into Sicheng’s bed, waiting for him to come back from the lab where he’s been running an experiment that requires him to check it’s status every night.

He must fall asleep because when he opens his eyes again, Sicheng is getting into bed with him.

He pulls Kun into his arms tightly. “How was Xuxi?”

“Fine. Very Xuxi.” He can feel his breathing become uneven. “Fuck, Sicheng.”

“I know,” he replies, running his hand through Kun’s hair.

“I’m gonna miss you most though,” Kun pouts. "You know that right?"

“You better. I’ll miss you most too. You can tell Yuta that.”

“I’m really trading in one Scorpio roommate for the King Scorpio roommate. Nightmares.”

Sicheng laughs. “Don’t call him that to his face, it’ll go to his head.”

They lay in silence, Kun trying to memorize everything about Sicheng’s presence.

“We’ll be fine Kun. You’ll be fine, you’ll have Yuta. You can message us at any given point, it’s not like you’ll never hear from us.”

“It’s still scary.”

Sicheng pulls Kun in closer. They've never really been like this, so openly affectionate, but they've also never had to leave each other before. Sicheng presses a feather-light kiss onto his forehead.

“It’ll be amazing Kun. _Space_.”

Space.  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thank you for giving this a chance. comments and kudos are appreciated.
> 
> [talk to me about wayv<3](http://www.twitter.com/fleur_cannon) | [ cc ](https://curiouscat.me/yangyangsdemonparent)


End file.
